Another stand-up. A different one. Says, “So I’m into collecting vinyl now. Right? Vinyl records. LPs. I’m sure a lot of you—sort of the new—my thing is, though, does anyone comprehend this whole ‘audiophile’ thing? Like two records per album? Like really? Two discs, I mean. Really? I’m like, audiophile? More like health nut. More like exercise freak. I don’t even have to exercise now, just—I mean cancel my gym membership, call my running buddies up and have them all over, pop on one of these audiophile LPs, I’m standing up and walk across the room every two seconds to flip the damn disc over anyway. ‘Oh hi, Honey. No. No I’m not just sitting on my ass. I’m exercising’ ” (laughs) “ ‘This is audiophile qual—this is 180-gram vinyl, Honey.’ ” (beat) “I actually tried to convince—’scuse me—tried to convince my wife this was actual exercise once. These records, listening to them. I mean we never had—what, back in the seventies? Remember? Some of you are—‘It’s just standing up and walking ‘cross the room,’ she says. ‘How’s that exercise,’ ‘How’s yoga any different,’ I go. I go, ‘What, standing around in those different positions? Least I’m moving. Leaning over with your ass in some lady’s face? Least I’m perambulating.’ I’m into big words in an argument. Perambulation. Throws the other person off a bit. Like you weren’t expecting me to say perambulating, I’ll bet. Just means walking, though. Means the same thing as walking. ‘Don’t start in on me with the yoga,’ she goes, and I go—I was kidding about the records, is the thing. Of course it isn’t exercising. I’m a stand-up comedian. It’s this sort of—it’s observation-based. You take the mundane and you turn it into—anyway, that night in bed I’m all, ‘So is this exercise?’ I says to my wife I says, ‘How about this?’ She’s all, ‘Yeah.’ She’s all, ‘Yeah. Yeah, this counts as exercise.’ She’s all, ‘Any time I’m burning X number of calories per minute I’m calling it exercise, thank you very much.’ She’s a personal trainer so she knows what’s she’s talking about. Knows the numbers, I mean. I’m good with words, while she does the taxes. She’s all, ‘Go flip the record now so I don’t have to listen to you mumbling to yourself.’ I mumble to myself during sex sometimes. I do. Sue me, you know? It’s like, well, you knew this going in.”